7th January 2007
This is a series of quotes from a wonderful book
I've just read this year (permission obtained from the publisher,
MetropolisInk) by Maya WindDancer Noble, titled 'Recipe for The World's
Greatest Kids', 152pages.
"Developing powers of
restraint is probably the most important skill a parent can learn. All
too often I hear from children's lips the maladies of their parents,
their relationship, what mom says about dad (and the reverse), and the
excuses their parents give for how the "ex" stopped them from doing
this, that, and the other, and screwed up their life...
a word for those parents...Well, several actually. Get a clue, get a
grip, get on with your life, AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES! These are children
you are talking to. These children are already emotional mush-piles
because you guys cannot seem to point the finger in the mirror rather
than at the other person, and you cannot stop using your kids as
emotional battering rams to get back at the other parent. Am I saying
the offending parent is lily-white? Give me a break. Am I saying that
you should not be angry with the other parent, your ex-spouse? Please.
Do you think I hold warm fuzzies in my heart for a man who put my head
through a wall and tried to shoot me? Of course not.
"However, I had a choice.
"I could do everything in my power to allow my girls to learn on their
own the true nature of their biological father because, eventually, the
kids would get it.
"Or, I could verbally bash the hell out of
him, screw up my daughters' young heads with anger and hatred, run the
risk of someday being viewed as the bad guy, and watch my kids fall
into dysfunctional relationships because of patterning behaviors that
they witnessed from their parents.
"I remember, at the height of
my divorce, my parents, my friends, and nearly everyone on earth
thought I was nuts because I would not allow anyone to say one bad
thing about their biological father... God, that was hard - for
"I told the therapist that I knew it did my daughter no good to learn
hatred and to be sucked into that kind of world and mindset, and that
she would find out for herself before long what his true colors were; I
was not going to add any more to her confusion and anger. She needed a
rock to come back to, not a rabid dog of a mother. She saw what he had
done to me. She saw us struggling to put our lives back together. But
she also saw love and what I call true "parenthood" in practice at
home. No excuses, just pick yourself up and move on.
"The therapist said if I could teach other parents that lesson, I would put her out of business - and she would love that.
"You chose to be a parent, so be a parent -
don't ask your children to parent you or themselves, and don't act selfishly.
"See your children as gifts, not as possessions or pawns.
"The day my daughter found out I was not Mother
Theresa in disguise and really did have first-hand understanding of
teenage life was the day that peace returned to her internal village.
"If you think your kids are dumb no matter what their ages, you just
pointed one finger at them and four right back at yourself.
at yourself teaches your kids that no one is perfect. It teaches them
that self esteem comes from realizing that doing dumb things, or having
a zit on your nose the night of a dance, does not affect the core of
whom you are.
"I expect my kids to be kids, but not by today's
standards. I expect my kids to be kids by Creator's standards. I expect
them to experience life as the incredible journey it really is...I
expect them to treat others as they wish to be treated and to stick up
for the underdog...I also expect my kids to have brain farts and forget
they can't fly.
a good one for you. I was once accused by someone of 'the worst case of
child abuse because your children believe in angels and God'. Excuse
me?...I don't think all the rubber in the world would save your tash
from a reality-check lightening bolt to prove who is right."
This book is brilliant! It is packed with wisdom!
The book can be purchased from: (And no, I don't get any book vouchers from them!) http://www.metropolisink.com/maya/kids/index.htm
the link and read about Kobi's Korner, her organisation helping abused
children. Most of the proceeds for the book go to Kobi's Korner. So
Related: PAIN, PAIN, PAIN
"In so far as a man can serve others in love, just so far, is he great." -- anonymous